• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:50 PM • • •
Thursday, December 02, 2004
I need help here
I work in a salon as a hair colorist, and I get to know my clients very well as they are there for two or more hours with me at a time. I've been doing this one young womans hair, let's call her Sue. (Not her real name, and not very original but hey its the best my mind can think of.) She isn't the most assertive of women, but she's very nice. 6 months ago she started dating this man, and when she did at first I was so happy for her, as she deserved a nice man. Well, he isn't a nice man. First little things clued me in...she told me a month into her relationship that "Al" (also not his real name) farbade her (yes she used the word forbade!!!) to do anything to her hair but blonde hi-lights. She is usually blonde in summer, and chestnut red in winter. OK I thought, I guess he really likes her blonde. Then she started changing the way she dressed, gone were the funky skirts and tops, and now she dresses very conservatively. She says Al doesn't like it when men look at her. I was getting alarmed. Then one day she came in all stressed, she had forgotten to pick up Al's dry cleaning, he was gonna be really mad at her. At this time I asked her if he was abusing her. She said oh no, he would never hit me! Then just today, I met him.
Before I go on, I need to tell you about my first marriage. OK let me tell you about my second marriage too, the second was a nice man, not exciting, not demanding, not anything in particular, and not right for me, but he was safe. Why you may ask did I marry him? Because of the first husband. He was a nightmare. He seemed ok at first, but he controlled my every thought movement and whim. He used to wake my up in the middle of the night to play mind games on me, because you can cause more damage on a sleep deprived person. I have always been a woman of zaftig proportions, he told me that I had to stay with him because no other man would ever want me. A second marriage and countless dates plus a child since then has changed my mind about that, but at the time I believed him. He had a look in his eye that said "beware"...I had to try to guess his moods when he came home, and if I guessed wrong, well he never hit me, but there is more abuse out there than just physical. I got out of the marriage after 4 years, with the help of friends and family. I was...damaged. I needed years of therapy before I could look a man in the eye. Hence the second safe marriage. Today I am the woman I always should have been.
Now back to Sue and Al. He has THE SAME LOOK IN HIS EYE!!! He scares me, because I know what he's capable of. Now the need for help....how do I tell her to back away??? How do I stop her from becoming damaged??? I just do her hair, should I even care???? But how can I NOT say anything????
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