• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 9:51 PM • • •
Friday, April 08, 2005
Can I just hold on to the now for a little longer?
We live in a state that allows you to send your child to school at age 4, as long as she is going to be 5 by the end of the year. I've been having a big problem with this, because I feel that 4 is too young to enter regular school, part of it too is that mommy is having trouble letting her grow up. They're little for so short a time, I wish I could hang onto it a little longer. Last night there was an open house for kindergarten enrollment at the school Princess will be attending. I liked the kindergarten teachers a lot, but still was not convinced that sending Princess at 4 was a good idea. Then they started talking about the things that kids should do to be successful in kindergarten, and Princess is already doing all of it and then some, and has been for a long time. As a matter of fact, looking around the room, she seemed more outgoing than some of the 5 year olds. Her pediatrician told me a while ago I should send her in the fall as he hasn't seen a child so outgoing, smart, and social at her age in a long time. So now I had him telling me she was ready, and the school showing me she is ready. So I started to delve into why I was so hesitant to send her, and came up with some truths that were hard for me to face. First off, I was a shy child, I had been adopted just a year prior to starting kindergarten, I looked different, I acted different, and I grew up in a neighborhood where there were no kids my age. Mom was not the type to socialize me with other kids, so I was also somewhat backwards in my dealing with other kids. My grade school experience was not great. As a matter of fact, it really didn't get going for me until the last year of middle school. So I was projecting my feelings onto my child. Princess is outgoing, confident, and smart. She is everything I wasn't. She has my confidence level that I have now, not the one I had as a child. She is also raised differently than I was, because I didn't want her to feel so out of step with everyone else. She is an individual who is more likely to lead than follow. The long and the short of it is, she's ready to take on school. She wanted to start today after last night! The other concern I had was her being so much younger than everyone else as they get older, being the last to get a license etc. A friend of mine pointed out that she is more likely to tell the driver where they are going and what time to pick her up! I am also fully aware that whatever decision I make for her will have been wrong when she a teenager!
I have to let go. It's hard, but it must be done. I don't want to hold her back, I want to gently nudge her into her future. I'll still be there to hold her hand when she needs it, I'll be there to listen to her, I'll be there to help her succeed. If she falls, I'll catch her, and when she spreads her wings and flies, I'll be the first one cheering her to new heights. I'll gently push her when necessary, and always always love her as only a mom can. But the first step must be taken, so I take a deep breath, and take it, ready to handle anything that will come along. I hope.
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