Monday, September 26, 2005

Weight Watchers Weekly Update

I lost another 3 pounds making a total of 8 pounds gone! I have far to go, but I made the step and I'm getting there! Three things are on my mind today. At the meeting today, there are two women who are at goal weight. They deserve applause, because no matter how much you have to lose, it's never easy to get to your goal. Both are happy with their weight loss, but one of them said something that made me think. She said "I guess I still feel like a fat person inside even though I'm healthy on the outside". It made me realize that losing the weight is only part of the problem, letting yourself feel good about yourself as a thin person, well that takes some work when you have dealt with weight for the better part of your life. I'm not too sure how I'll react to a thinner me. On the one hand, I know that I'll be healthier and look a hell of a lot better, but will my mind catch up? Will I let myself think like a thin person, or will I still think and feel like a fat person. These are things that only time will have an answer to. I've also seen what happened to some of my friends who have lost weight. Others in their lives, unable or unwilling to accept the new person, say things like "you've gotten too thin, you look drawn, don't disappear!" Even though my friend tells people that she is in a healthy range of weight and is not too thin. She is beautiful, was before the weight loss, even more so now. But I think sometimes that makes people uncomfortable, perhaps because of what they might be struggling with in their own lives that they can't get a handle on. I have know idea if I'll get those comments, and if I do, I don't know how I will react. This is something I will ponder on my journey, but I have a LONG way to go before I get there!
I also remember when I was a little girl. I was never thin, but as a child I was in a healthy range of weight. Post adolescence is when I truly started to gain, and I remember my mom looking at me in a pair of shorts and laughing, saying "my god you look like a sausage in a casing in those". I don't think she meant is as cruelly as she said it, at least I hope not. But that was the first time I ever truly felt fat. The feeling has never left me since. Mom did not know how to deal with her over-weight daughter, as her sons were all so thin. She didn't know how to encourage, in weight loss or actually in any aspect of life. I always felt like I was letting her down. I struggle with that feeling even now at 42. Finally, I am realizing that the only one I have to answer to is me. If I want to change something, I can do it, no matter who is cheering or jeering. Some days that's easier than others to believe.
The last thing I ponder today is a conversation with Princess when I first joined weight watchers three weeks ago. I was talking about WW to Roomie and Princess asked me what I was doing. This was tricky, as she has no weight problem, and I don't want to start her obsessing about it. I told her "mommy is going to lose weight so that I can be more active and do more things with you, and be around for you a long time". I'm sure it didn't truly make any sense to her, but I wanted to put the weight loss in a positive light to her, not a "mommy feels so fat and ugly" kind of light. She looked at me, and hugged me and said "but I love my fat mommy!". I hugged her back, and said no matter what, I would always be her loving mommy, just healthier. I didn't have the words to explain why I don't want to be her "fat" mommy anymore. I just told her I loved her.
Nothing is ever easy in life, but it sure is an interesting and wonderful ride!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 11:08 AM
Sunday, September 25, 2005

6 pictures of the weekend, a good start to Fall!

Hayride on a Fall day Posted by Picasa

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Mommy's helper Posted by Picasa

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Fruit of the harvest Posted by Picasa

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Fresh wonder Posted by Picasa

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Sign of the season Posted by Picasa

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Majestic Posted by Picasa

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 6:12 PM
Friday, September 23, 2005

Hey this is hard work, but I seem to be enjoying it!

Tuesday I went to the gym with my personal trainer. I had been with her at the gym a few times before, but it those times were mainly to see what I could do. Well, she found out what I could do, so Tuesday the REAL work began! I started on the treadmill, for 5 to 10 minutes to warm up. Then we went into squats, which will NEVER be my favorite thing ever! She believes in stretching out the muscles after every set, so she helps me stretch my legs, then back to the squats. After that, she took pity on my lower half and started on my upper half. We did the machines and some free weights for my chest, shoulders, arms and back. Again after each set I stretched, which keeps down that burning feel you sometimes get. Then for good measure, because obviously to her she hadn't worked my bottom half enough, I went on the stationary bike for about 15 to 20 minutes. By the time I got done, my legs felt like noodles, and my chest and shoulders felt like the flames you cook noodles in! And you know what? I loved it! I felt like I had accomplished something. I felt empowered. This is also week three for weight watchers, on Monday I get weighed in. For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I CAN do this. I have surprised myself by LIKING working out, I actually look forward to going to the gym. I go twice a week just for cardio, I went Thursday, and thought there is no way I can do the bike today, but after 5 minutes my legs felt so much better. I go again on Sunday, then meet up with my trainer on Tuesday. I feel in control, and for the first time, I understand how out of control I was with my health. So, tomorrow is another day, and I look forward to it!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:35 PM
Monday, September 19, 2005

Phew I'm back!!!!

Ok after an extended absence, I am back! My absence started because I just became so busy with the start of school and my new schedule, and then when I was ready to blog again, the ol computer went kaplooie!!! The power source went, which meant the computer didn't turn on, a little hard to blog when you have no working computer hee!! A good friend of mine was quite the hero, and has installed a new power source, and now I am back WOO HOO! Funny how you don't miss something until it's gone! So tonight I am going to blog, and tomorrow night I'll get around to catching up on all of your blogs as I miss you all very much!!!! So much to say, so let's get started shall we :-)
Princess has taken to her new school quite well, at the end of the post there will be a pic of her and her teacher. The first week went by well, but the second one started with tears, I think it finally dawned on her that she wouldn't be seeing her old friends every day, and she missed them. Already she is meeting new friends, and she loves the learning at this school! I have already seen an improvement in her drawing, her recognition of letters and numbers, and she has learned the names of the days of the week! She takes to learning like a duck to water, and I'm so happy I made the switch, I think she would have been bored doing the same class over again at her old school. Plus, since this is pre-kindergarten, I feel better not sending her to kindergarten at age 4. She continues to amaze me everyday!
Now for what is happening to me... As many of you know who have read my blog for a while, I'm a larger lady, and while I am comfortable with me and have a healthy dose of ego, I realize as I age this will start health problems. I have read with much interest in Ricks (aka Connecticut Yankee) running stories, and how he wants to lose weight to live longer. This inspired me, thanks Rick! I too want to live a good long time, and now, before the health issues start, is the time for me to battle this particular demon that has haunted me for way too long. I joined the local YMCA, which has recently updated their gym, and hired a client of mine who is a personal trainer to help me get healthy, and have also joined weight watchers. I have been successful losing weight in the past, but never successful keeping it off. However, I never really exercised as I HATE it....So I think if I tackle that particular thing, I may be successful this time, at least that is the goal! I also think I need to write down some of my thoughts and feelings, as this will also help me in my goal. I want to see my grandchildren thankyou!! So, here's to a new venture, I'll keep you posted on my progress ( 3 days at the gym and 5 pounds so far) and if any of you have words of encouragement or success stories of your own, please share! There will still be stories of Princess as she is integral to my life, but there will also be some personal things shared and progress. Here's to a new me, next year you won't recognize me :-)
Thankyou all for your concern as to my absence, I'm back and ready to tackle the world, well at least the internet hee!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:58 PM

Princess with her teacher Posted by Picasa

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Princess climbing the rock wall at the Goshen fair, an agricultural fair which is fairly well known in CT...go Princess!!! Posted by Picasa

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:54 PM
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