Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I've been bitten by the organization bug oh my!!

While putting together Princess' room, it became the cleanest room in the house. Mind you when I say putting together, I mean Roomie and upstairs neighbor did the actual putting together, I just organized and ordered the room after, me and power tools, or any kind of tools for that matter, let's just say everyone is safer when I stay away! Back to the cleanliness of Princess' room. Neither Roomie nor I will ever win good house keeper of the year, but we basically keep the place presentable, we're never embarrassed by how the place looks, so you can drop by anytime, but it still stood that Princess' room was the cleanest. This inspired me to do something radical, clean, organize, and generally pick up MY room...OMG!!! Many's the time I kept my bedroom door shut when company came over! The messiness of my bedroom is because I hate folding and putting away laundry, so there would be a pile of it in one corner. I never set up my new hamper, or really had one before I got the one I have from Ikea a few weeks ago, so there would be another pile of dirty clothes in another corner. I have a hard time throwing out old clothes, even when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I will NEVER wear them again, so I didn't really have room to put away the clean clothes. Add to that a healthy dose of procrastination, well you can see why the room was the way it was. So yesterday, I folded all the clean laundry, washed all the dirty laundry, put it all away, and threw away old clothes. I took out three garbage bags full o' junk and stuff from my room!!! Ugh I know, some of you clean freaks out there are now disgusted, but hey it is what it is. I organized, dusted, swept, and put away. It's so clean in there now, I was inspired to actually make my bed this morning!!! The way I feel about making beds goes right with the procrastination thing, why make it now when I'm just going to get it all mussed later. But I must admit, it's nice getting into a freshly made bed!! So now Princess' room is not the only absolutely clean room in this house!! By the way, Princess is so proud of the fact that she has the highest bed in the house, she brags about it to me with a big smile on her face! Now, let's hope I can keep my room looking so spotless, because despite my slovenly ways, it DOES feel good to be organized and put away!!!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:24 PM
Sunday, June 26, 2005

Princesses new room!

Today, was a busy day. Princess, roomie and I went down to Ikea, with a friend with a truck, to pick up her new bed! I ended up getting the bed, a tall nightstand, a bookcase, 4 picture frames, and a stuffed dragon snake, all for under 400! Princess loves her new room. I had to get a step stool for her, because the bed is so high! It's a Captains Bed, with plenty of storage space underneath. There's one more piece to get for her bedroom, but that can wait until next month. For now, her room looks so cute!! Below are some pics of her room and today!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:30 PM

Princess and her Uncle Red at Ikea, she idolizes him. Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:28 PM

Princesses bed, see how high it is, and how nice! Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:26 PM

The bookshelf with plenty of room to store things, Sully sits at the foot of her bed to keep her safe from other monsters. Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:23 PM

Princess with new t-shirt and hat that roomies mom brought back to her from vacations today. Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:03 PM

Psykit, being SO happy that roomies mothers dog was gone, we watched him for two weeks and Psykit spent that whole time sleeping in the basement in the sink! Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:01 PM
Friday, June 24, 2005

A long post inspired by a bumper sticker

I saw a bumper sticker today, it said "it's better to be hated for what you are, then loved for what you are not". I thought it quite catchy, then I actually stopped to think of the words. On the same car was a rainbow sticker, signifying they are gay. I started to think about some of my gay friends and what they have had to do to get along in this world. One still has not come out to her family, for fear that they would reject her, as they are fundamental Christians. Would it be better for her to be truthful to herself and be hated by her family? Or is living a lie the best thing for her? She's not truly happy, because she doesn't see her family much for fear they will "out" her. Her partner isn't happy, they've been together two years and still can't share a house for fear of the reprisal from her family. Should she grasp this loving relationship she has and lose her family, or continue as she is and risk losing her relationship. Is it better to be hated for what you are then loved for what you are not?
Another friend of mine came out, and lives a full life, but without the support of his family. He deals with this by a shell of indifference to his family, but I know it hurts him. In a way he's only half truthful because he still pretends that his families reaction doesn't bother him. His partner, has a family that accepts whole-heartedly. I think this also bothers the other one for he sees how it could be.
All this was thought while sitting in traffic. I know which way I would go, I would be truthful, because I have lived a lie before, and it's never good. My first marriage on the outside was good, he was good looking, personable, and in public, we were always "together". At home, it was another story, I lived in fear of what he would find wrong in my day. I lived in fear of his mood, which I was supposed to guess when I came through the door at night. He belittled me every chance he could. I have been a big gal most of my adult life, and he told me many times that no one would ever want me so I'd better stick with him. I believed it after a while, so I kept my anguish inside. In public I smiled, in private I died a little each day. It all came to a head one day, when my best friend came to visit. She and I walked the beach, and I could tell she was not happy. I asked her finally what was the matter. She turned to me and said, "Nina where are you? I look at you, but it's NOT you, where did you go?" I got mad, very mad. I yelled what the hell, I'm right here, and she yelled back and told me no I wasn't, that I was just a shell, a made up thing that my husband had created, but the "me", that which made me "Nina", was gone or so far buried she was afraid she would never see me again. I cried. I realized she was right. I had lived a lie so long I started to believe it, but the essence of who I was atrophied. After our walk, she hugged me, and told me that when I was ready to end this lie, she would be there. She told me if I needed to get away, she would be there. But until I was ready, she couldn't be there, because she would be with a corpse. Harsh words many of you may say, but they were the only words that penetrated. I left him a few weeks later. We were already living in CT, and I didn't know how I would survive so far from my family. I got an apartment, very small, very rundown, but very cheap. I left with the clothes on my back, my beat up car, and about 30 dollars. I was running from him to save myself.
He found me. Up to this point, his abuse was all psychological. When he found me he begged me to come back, I said no. He yelled at me to come back, I said no again. He threatened me, I still said no. He slapped me, and hit me, I still said NO, and then told him if he layed a hand on me again I'd hit him back with my iron, which was the only thing handy at the time. He called me a c---, a bitch, then told me I would NEVER find anyone to love me again.
I did, even though they did not last, and now I have Princess, who loves me forever. It took me a long time to come back to myself, but I did and am stronger now than ever before. I lost some friends, regained others, and made new ones. My parents didn't understand, they still believed the lie.
So that's why I know I would rather be hated for what I am, then loved for what I am not. When you live a lie, you lose a part of yourself, and sometimes, you can never get it back. I am strong now, but I am not the "me" I was years ago, I have lost the capacity to trust deeply, and I miss that at times. But I no longer live in fear, and I live truthfully. I wouldn't trade that for anything!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:59 PM
Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I've got nothing!

I truly have nothing. It's not that I haven't had things happen this week, I just don't seem to be able to muster up the energy to blog about it. I guess we all get like that sometimes. So, since I have nothing, I'm gonna respond to you guys here on my blog. Cop out I know, but seriously, I have nothing!!!!!

Heather, that cracked me up with the spanking thing, the things the little ones come out with just make your heart melt don't they!

Rin, thanks, and I am proud, but I can't take all the credit, she came out so special and smart, I just helped her realize that :-)

Vicki, I do hope that she loses her faith later than sooner, it makes me see the world through innocent eyes again.

Trucker Bob, I do feel proud thanks! I cherish all our conversations.

Tammy, I feel there is this little window when they are growing up. First, you can't talk to them because they don't understand. Then, you have such wonderful innocent conversations it breaks your heart. Then, they don't want to talk to you anymore. But then it goes again, and they get to an age where they LIKE you again, so can we just skip the not talking part lol!!!

Christine, I do hope she does grow up confident, I didn't, and had to develop it as I got older. You too are raising fine children!!

PresentStorm, thanks for your wonderful thoughts, I hope your weekend was GREAT :-)

Carmi, I want to keep the "bubble" intact for as long as I can, but sooner or later, it will burst, and if we have done our jobs well, the innocence may be gone, but the confidence will go on! We can all hope for that!

Fraulein N, yes it is a beautiful thing, thankyou!

Honestyrain, I wish I knew, because I too would do anything to keep it going a little longer! If you find the magic wand, pass it over to me too please!

Thanks for putting up with me guys, sorry I am such a blog slug lately lol!!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:45 PM
Friday, June 17, 2005

Conversations with Princess

This morning in the car, this was my conversation with Princess:

Princess: Mommy my shoe is ripped.
Me: I know, we need to get you new boy shoes.
Princess: New boy shoes like I have now or new boy shoes like my old old boy shoes?
Me: Like your old old ones.
Princess: I like my old old ones better anyway.
(me laughing silently)
Princess: Mama I want Oliquig to go to Sesame Place with me and my cousins and best friend.
(notice I wasn't on that list even though I am the one taking her lol!!)
Me: She can't honey, she doesn't have the time then.
Princess: Oh. (silence for a few) Well then she needs to go with us to Prudence Island.

It must be so nice to be so secure in the world as Princess is, and to be so sure that everyone wants to spend as much time with you as possible!! Her confidence is high, and I love that it is! I then called Oliquig to let her know that Princess has given her marching orders to make time to go to Prudence Island with us.
My daughter is well loved, and knows that she is. I hope she keeps that confidence forever!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 12:00 AM
Thursday, June 16, 2005

Something in the middle would be nice!

Remember my post a few days ago about being so hot I felt sick? Since then, it went down, and I do mean DOWN, in temp! Yesterday the high never got out of the 70's, today the temp this morning is 53. When Princess and I left to go to school and work yesterday, she started shivering and said "Mommy I need my jacket", do you think I'm asking too much if I want the weather in the low 80's and low humidity with lots of sunshine?? This up and down thing, not working for me! Oh well, such is life! At least I now no longer feel like a wet sponge hee! Hope you all are having great weather, and next post will NOT be a complaint about the weather...I promise....no really.....well it may have a tiny complaint :-)

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:22 AM
Tuesday, June 14, 2005

And the heat goes on!!

I work in a hair salon as many of you know. We work with chemicals that all emit an odor of some sorts, and we work with hot hair dryers. This is NOT a good thing when the air conditioning decides not to work in the salon!!! By noon the temperature in the salon was around 80, and by 2 (which is when I left) it was around 87. It felt even warmer because of the hair dryers. I was dripping sweat, and the client I was supposed to have at 2 came in felt the air and re-scheduled. I went home with the grand daddy of all headaches, and felt sick to my stomach. After coming home and backing in the coolness which is my house, I felt better, although I asked roomie to pick up Princess from daycare and took a nap. I can't imagine having a job as hot as mine in the old days before there WAS ac, nor can I imagine having to work outside in this heat and humidity! My hat is off to all you workers out there who deal with this on a daily basis, one day and I was useless!!! The heat is supposed to break in the next few days, and by the weekend, it should be in the high 70's or low 80's. Woo hoo!!!!!
This past weekend my sis-in-law and the kids came down, what a nice weekend we had! This makes three for three on the nice weekend meter! Sunday we had a barbecue, real simple, hot dogs and hamburgers and chicken burgers on the grill. Is there anything so tasty as hot dogs and hamburgers cooked outside? The weather cooperated for us, it cooled down enough Sunday evening so we could be outside without dying. After the barbecue, we wet off fireworks again, and everyone stayed until about 10, which when you have kids is quite late. There were 8 kids and 8 adults, and being outside it was fun. Monday we went to Wadsworth Falls and the kids waded through the water. I may complain about the heat, but seriously the weekends have been fantastic! Last year I recall most of the weekends being rained out.
Hope everyone is surviving the heat, and for those of you who yearn for some warmth, I hope you get some soon!

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:34 PM
Thursday, June 09, 2005

Grumbles and Musings

My ankles are swollen and my back is peeling. I feel like Quasimodo with leprosy.

I like summer and warm weather, I whine when the humidity gets to the point where you feel you just got out of a shower and you didn't. Guess which way I'm going right now!!! Someone get me some cheese!

When you drive your car with all the windows open and you're blasting show tunes, and you're singing along at top volume, it's amazing the kind of looks you get.

I made a goal I had set for myself at work, I brought in over 2000 dollars to the salon. I get 60% of that. WOO HOO!!

When your child brings you in a handful of weeds with a big smile on her face, saying "Mommy these flowers are for you because I love you!" those weeds start to look like the most expensive bouquet from the best flower shop in town. I love my daughter!

I love my daughter, but when I am feeling whiny, it's hard to take her whining. There ought to be a law, mother and daughter cannot be whiny at the same time! And since I'm bigger, it's my turn!

My sister in law and kids are coming down for the weekend. Ask me how much cleaning I have done.

Iced tea is the nectar of the gods during hot summer nights!! Hey I think there's a song there!

That is all. You may all go about your own grumblings and musings now, I'm done :-)

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 9:57 PM
Wednesday, June 08, 2005


Bad Penguin did an interview thing, and I decided to take her up on the offer to interview someone, namely me! So here are her five questions, and here are my five answers, and thanks Bad Penguin for letting me be a part of this :-)

1. If space aliens came down and offered you the chance to travel the universe, would you take it, knowing you might not be able to comeback to Earth?

Hell yeah!! Oh but if only I could take Princess with me, I think that it would be the adventure of a lifetime! I've always wondered what else lays out there!

2. If you could meet one fictional character, who would it be and why?

Lazarus Long from "Time enough for love" written by Robert Heinlein. Actually, I would love to meet anyone from his universe and that particular timeline. They are a bunch of hedonistic intellectuals, my kind of people. Plus, I'm a sci-fi/quantum Physics geek, so the idea of visiting alternate realities and timelines tickles my fancy.

3. How did you get started scrapbooking?

Actually it was Roomie who started first. I actually mocked her, because I had this image in my mind of little old ladies sitting around pasting doilies in an album lol!! But then I saw the work she was doing, and thought wow, that's really nice! So I have a friend who used to sell Creative Memories, and I took a class from her and bought a LOT of stuff, seriously this is one expensive hobby when all is said and done. I made an album last year for my parents for Christmas, which they loved! By the way, Oliquig so mocked me back, and I truly deserved it hee! I'm working on an album for Princess now, and I am not as diligent as I was with Mom and Dad's album I work better with a time frame!

4. What is your absolute favorite food?

Lobster, and anything with caramel!

5. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose to live? Right where you are, or someplace else?

I do like where I am, so I am content here. But if I could choose anywhere to live, and have those that mean the most to me there too, I would pick Hawaii, but only if I could live there free from money worries. I've actually never been to Hawaii, but the idea of temperature year round between 60 and 80, with water temp in in the 70's, and the beach always there, I would be in heaven!!!!

The Official Interview Game Rules:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."

2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.

3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

So there you have it folks, and I must say it was fun :-)

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:52 PM
Monday, June 06, 2005

Another weekend to remember, and the summer just started!!!

So this weekend? Fun fun FUN!!! When you're done reading this, go over to Roomie's blog and read her take on it, a good time was had by all! Between this weekend and last, this summer is off to a good start! I guess you all saw the drunken blog from Saturday, that started it the right way hee! Before the wine we had fireworks, the ground kind as it is illegal to buy the launching kind in CT. It didn't matter to the kids any, they loved them! Below are some pics of those. One bad thing, Psykit got sprayed by a skunk, and we had to clean her off Sunday morning before going to the beach! Roomie found a remedy for that online, peroxide, baking soda, and dish soap. Worked like a charm! Then on Sunday we went to the beach, where I proceeded to be dumb and not put sunscreen on my back, can we say lobster red?? The rest of me is fine as I remembered sunscreen for my front! I do so wonder about my sanity at times. Princess had a BLAST!! She kept running into the water, diving in, then running out giggling loudly all the time. Some kids had dug a huge hole then left, and that became Princesses playground. She kept getting seaweed and burying it in there, then laying in it, there was sand in places of her body sand truly does not belong!!! Then roomie buried her, below will be a pic of that she loved it! We then went to a yummy seafood restaurant where she got to go on a carousel ride, eat the best fried fish evah, then have vanilla soft serve dipped in a cherry coating. How could life get better?? There was most definitely a bath that night, her hair wasn't just dirty it was CRUSTY eww! I had to wash it twice to get it clean. Then today we went to Ikea, and found the perfect bed for Princess. Roomie has a pic of it at her blog, check it out it's awesome and you can't beat the price! We had lunch at Ikea, I love Swedish meatballs, and so does Princess as she ate them all! She then proceeded to flirt outrageously with a little boy in the play area of the cafeteria, complete with big eyes and the leaning in thing...I am going grey thinking of her older let me tell you hee! All in all, you could not have ordered a better weekend, well minus the skunk thing and the burn thing, but other than that, I loved it!! Most of all? I loved seeing Princess have such a good time, I live for that! I hope you're weekends were as good, but truthfully, unless you won the lottery, I think mine was the best :-)

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:15 PM

Some of the fireworks Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:14 PM

Psykit after the bath to get rid of the skunk odor, she hated us right then lol!!! Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:13 PM

Buried on the beach, she loved it! Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:10 PM

Covered in sand from head to toe! Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:08 PM

Flirting with the boy Posted by Hello

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 10:07 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005

Saturday Nights Alright!

There will be no hair post tonight. Why you may ask? Because I am so drunk I have to type each letter twice to get it right. So to actually put a real post together that rquires me to think won't happen. Anyway, what was I saying?
Oh yes. I love summer nights spent on the porch with good friends and abundant wine. ok I really can't type anymore so goodbye :-)

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 1:16 AM
Friday, June 03, 2005

The one where Mom thinks I'm gay

You get to a certain age, and your single, and worse yet...Have gay friends, and people around you tend to assume things about you. I think it's easier for them to imagine you gay than just not interested at the time. A few years ago, I had this problem with Mom. It all started with an argument over gay men. Mom was saying that when my brother was younger, he used to clean pools. There was a gay couple on our street, and she said she hated when he cleaned their pool, because after all, he was a good looking boy of 13 and they were gay. I stopped short, and looked at her incredulously. I said "Mom, just because their gay, what makes you assume they would be into boys? We're talking gay men here not pedophiles." She got mad (oh what a shock, my mom getting all mad and stuff) and said I knew nothing because she's read books on the subject. I got a little irate and asked her if they were those Victorian sex novels that were oh so accurate portraying sex. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that but C'mon, this conversation was getting from ignorant to just plain stupid. I tried to tell her that most pedophiles were NOT gay men but heterosexual men. It went down hill from there. I ended up just giving up in disgust and going up to the room I was using at her house for the visit. She came in a bit later and said, "I'm sorry about the argument, I didn't realize that this touched you so deeply"....huh??? You see, if you defend gay rights and gay men, therefore it just stands to reason that you are gay!!!
For a long while after, there were comments like "Well perhaps you'll meet someone nice...whoever they may be" and "well maybe you can't live with men"! After a while, I wanted to yell in her face "Mom I got Noelle the old fashioned way, with a man and I liked it, as a matter of fact if the opportunity arises I'll do it again!", which would have totally shocked her let me tell you!
The point I'm making is, now that I have a child, and have a female roommate, it's not just mom who makes assumptions. After all, you can't just be going shopping with a friend and your child, it must be your lover and your love child lol!!! If I really was gay, trust me I would hope mom would accept me for what I am, but since I am NOT gay, well I guess I just wish she would STILL accept me for what I am! Someday, I may meet the right man. I may not. This seems so foreign to my mom, who thinks that "family" only consists of a husband, wife, and children. Today there are many types of families. Mine is just a little different that's all. Most times I laugh when people make assumptions, it's funny and I just go with it because to explain everything just takes too much time. But I put my foot down when my mom does this, because she has made assumptions with all of us, all as true as the one where she thinks I am gay. Sometimes I wish she would open her eyes and see ME. Not what she thinks I am. But that is another post for another day, and maybe a visit to a therapists couch hee!
Have a great weekend everyone, and tomorrow there will be another hair post :-)

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 9:06 PM
Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Bug bites and Bug Spray

When Princess was very young, she got her first bug bite from a mosquito. She then proceeded to blow up like a balloon in the bug bite area! The mosquito bit her on her ankle, and her poor little ankle blew up to about three times its size. Needless to say I was really alarmed!!! I called her pediatrician, who told me that some kids do have reactions like that to mosquito bites and that usually they outgrow it eventually. He then told me to use bug spray with deet in it. This alarmed me as well, as I had read that using deet on a child so young wasn't a good idea. He told me that her blowing up like a balloon was a worse idea. So I did. He also told me to put cortisone cream on the bitten area as soon as she got bitten, and then to give her benadryl to help keep the swelling to a minimum. This worked for the most part, I even got the daycare to put it on her with a doctor's note. Then one day, she was playing in the daycare playground, and another kid threw wood chips at her face, which she then proceeded to rub across her eyes. She had scabs on both eyelids, which made me mad, I mean really did they even watch the kids out there?? I have since moved her to another daycare which is much more careful and better for her learning. Right after that happened, she got a bug bite right in the middle of her forehead, which swelled both inner eyes big time! So now she had cuts on both her eyes, and the swelling with a big bump in the middle. I had to go to the bank that day, can you guess what kind of looks I was getting??? I felt like hanging a sign around her neck saying "No I did NOT beat my child, it was an accident at daycare and a bug bite which she's allergic too"! I think of this because she got a bug bite behind her knee the other day, and it did swell up, but not as bad as it had before. So MAYBE....She really is outgrowing it finally!! I breath a sigh of relief for that, because no parent wants to see their child suffer from so common a thing. And she does suffer, because when they swell, they itch and hurt. Today I go to buy more bug spray with deet, and I'm calling her pediatrician's office to send over a release form to her daycare so they can put it on her. I hope this is the last year of this! Anyone else's child have a reaction like that??

• Posted By Crazy Single Mom @ 8:08 AM
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