This weekend was MAGNIFICENT!!! The weather was wonderful, and felt even better after having so many many days of nothing but clouds cold and rain. On Sunday (I had to work Saturday and boy was I busy!!) Roomie (oliquig) and I and her parents with another friend of mine went to breakfast at a place that truly knows how to make a great breakfast. The food was fantastic, and we got to eat on the outdoor porch because it was so beautiful! After that Roomie, Princess, and Roomie's mom and I went to a scrapbooking store non of us had ever been in. This place had an area just for kids, which meant I was at peace to shop, which meant I spent oodles of money hee!!! But it was the first scrapbook store I had been in where they had it, and Princess was in her glory! She even got to play with another little girl. After that we came home and had a peaceful evening. Today we had friends and Roomie's parents over for an outdoor barbecue, again the weather was fantastic, as was the company! Roomie and I do put on a good barbecue let me tell you!! We made potato salad, macaroni salad, barbecue chicken, hotdogs, corn, and for dessert this absolutely yummy Tanglewood pie! Upstairs neighbor was there with Little Man, and he and Princess had a ball outside running all over the yard. This was a weekend of nothing in particular except to remember out soldiers and have fun with friends. We accomplished all of that in a peaceful, happy, and wonderful way. If this is a pre-cursor for how the summer will be, bring it on, I'm gonna enjoy it!!! Below are some pics of this weekend, I hope everyone else had as wonderful and peaceful a weekend as I did!!!!




The view from where we sat having breakfast. 



How fun everything is when you are 4 hee! 



Princess kissing my friends little boy at breakfast on Sunday.



Chasing bubbles, the joy children get in such a simple past time, and the joy I get watching them.



Princess and Little Man playing while Roomie hosed them down! 


Happy Memorial Day everyone, I hope your weekend is sparkling! Just a thought as we come into this weekend where we remember the troops and the armed forces:
Yesterday I had a client come in, we haven't seen her in a few years. You see, she's stationed in Iraq, at Saddam's old palace and is part of the military that deals with the contractors coming into that country. Before you read further, keep your opinions on whether you think the war is just or not, because this weekend is not about that. It's about remembering the people who literally put their life on the line every day for their country.
She says the palace is like a resort hotel, there are swimming pools and all sorts of things there. The temperature when she came back for her leave was 109, and it can get as high as 150, so trust me, the soldiers make sure those pools are in working order. She said that she feels so for the rest of the soldiers who are not near there. There is no off time for them, because they want to be seen as the military and not as contractors, they are in uniform 24-7. It's like being at work all day, then ending your work day and not being able to get into comfy clothes. There are a lot of Iraqi nationals working there too, and many of them are given death threats daily because they are helping the Americans. It's even harder for the Iraqi women who work there, because they are constantly harassed and told they are not good Muslim women for what they do. They now have a separate entrance, not to segregate them but to keep them safe. Each day there the military see contractors, and Iraqis, all working for a common goal, to make Iraq self sufficient. It's an uphill battle everyday. The insurgents bombed the palace once, and a soldier who my client knows was killed in the bombing. She sees his face in her mind every day.
She told me about the private security that some of the contractors have, usually ex-military who keep them safe and able to work without getting killed. These private security people usually make 6 figures a year doing the same job our soldiers do for a hell of a lot less. She said that as beautiful as the palace is, her life is lived over there in those walls and compound all the time. No matter how beautiful your surroundings are, when you can't leave it tends to feel like a prison.
She told me stories that some of the Iraqi nationals told her,the ones who worked at the palace when Saddam was there. They were paid a stipend, enough to buy flour, milk, and bread. Most of them were supporting families and extended families. All this as Saddam made himself richer. He kept lions that were fed those who he was displeased with, to the point that some of them would not eat regular meat anymore. Her tour of duty is up in September, and I pray she comes home safe.
I give no opinion on whether I feel we were justified going over there. Not this weekend. This weekend I remember and pray for a strong beautiful woman who does her job because she feels that what she does is just. She is there to help, end of story. I remember all the other soldiers who are over there without their families during this holiday weekend. I pray for them also. I pray for their families, that none of them ever feel the pain of not having their loved ones come back. I pray for the Iraqi nationals, trying to make order out of chaos. I pray for the children, all of them, American and Iraqi. And when I have my barbecue on Monday, I will raise a glass and salute them.
Whatever god you pray to, whatever you believe in, send up a thought for our soldiers, and all the lives they touch. Next week you can go back to trying to figure out whether what we are doing over there is just or not. This weekend, just remember, and never forget.



Mrs Rum tagged me for a meme, so here it is and thanks Mrs Rum :-)

there are actually two meme's here so...

First...
Song playing now: None, the TV is on playing Crossing Jordan

Five songs I listen to the most: Okay, how about 5 songs I really like and have great memories about?

1: Ghost by the Indigo Girls, the song is bittersweet and lovely!

2: You Can't Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones because it is SO true!

3: Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison, because I am.

4: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, C'mon it's Queen!!!

5: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2, Bono....(sigh)...I almost stalked you but you weren't there!

Second....
10 things I've Never Done

1: I've never ridden a motorcycle

2: I've never been to Europe

3: I've never been part of a terrorist organization (I know some of you out there are now breathing a sigh of relief hee!!)

4: I've never been skydiving

5: I've never been a cheerleader

6: I've never seen the Northern Lights up close and personal

7: I've never lived in Australia

8: I've actually never WANTED to live in Australia but my mind is blank right now so I'm reaching here LOL. (no offense meant to my Aussie friends, I just really like where I live)

9: I never knew my birth mom

10: I never knew my birth father

So there you have it folks, instead of me tagging someone for this, let me know if you want to do it and then just let me know you are so I can see your answers :-)

Well I was away this weekend, which is why the hair segment is late. I had a great time, we went to visit my sister in law and brother and the kids, and as usual when we get together we had a blast! Anyway, enough about that, I'll post more about it tomorrow. On to the hair segment!
Last week I said we would talk about salon color as opposed to home. I realize that many of you may not be able to afford the salon service on a regular basis, so hopefully this will help. One of the things you pay for at the salon is the expertise of the person doing the color. When you pay for a service, it's not just the actual color you're paying for, it's also the knowledge behind it. That said, I know there are a lot of stylist out there that don't make the grade! When you do color at home there are a few things to take into consideration.

The health of your hair, no hair color should be done if your hair is fried, that's just common sense!
Read, and I do mean READ, all the instructions carefully before doing a color service and follow the instructions.
Choose a color that is no more than two shades lighter or darker than your own. This way there is less of a chance of hair coming out some hideous color.
Have someone help you apply, it makes it so much easier to do the back of your hair.
If the color comes with a guide that shows you pictures like, if your hair is black, then you can expect your hair to come out this shade, look at them carefully. Just because the box says natural blonde does NOT mean that your particular hair will come out exactly as the photo on the front.
If you insist on doing color that is more radical, go back to the part where it says read the instructions carefully!
If you try to do home hilights, again read the instructions carefully, and if you have a friend that is artistic, try to get them to help you. If not, at least have SOMEONE help you.
Keep the box if something goes wrong, because there is usually a trouble shooting number on the box if you get into trouble.
Also, keep the number of a good salon on hand if things truly get out of hand.
If you want a more neutral shade, choose something with a little ash in it.
Oh and most important, do not overlap when applying, only run through the ends however long that particular color tells you to. This is why it is better to have someone help you. To lessen the strength of the color for the ends, mix whatever is left with a little water and conditioner.

For those of you who want to do color in a salon, here are some tips for you.
If you haven't had it done in a salon before, look for a person whose hair you admire (color wise) and ask them where they got their hair done.
Call the salon and ask them if they go to classes regularly to keep up with the knowledge.
Ask them if they have a color specialist, then book a consultation with them. Even if someone else in the salon ends up doing the color, at least the specialist can guide the other person.
Bring in a picture of either yourself with a color you like, or a picture from a magazine of color you like. Then tell the person what you like and don't like about it.
Be realistic with your expectations, if you have really dark hair chances are you will not be able to be a light blonde easily, if at all without a lot of damage.
If the person makes you nervous or you seem to not communicate well with each other, thank them for their time and go elsewhere. Never make an appointment with someone you don't have a rapport with! It never works out well.
It may take up to three times for you and your colorist to get to know each other well and know what the hair can do, but after the first time you should be able to see where the hair is going, or you should outright like it. If you don't go elsewhere!

Finally, after spending either the time to do it yourself or spend the money to have a professional do it, take care of your hair afterward. Always use color safe shampoo and some sort of color safe conditioner.

Hope this has been helpful, if you have any questions, feel free to leave them in comments or email me with them!


I watched Law and Order SVU last night. It was a good one! It had to do with trafficking of body parts and the criminal types who do that sort of stuff. My first reaction to that was "no way I would never do that, it's wrong to kill someone to save yourself!". But you see, the person who bought the kidney in this case, was a father trying to save the life of his young son. Again I said no way....Then I thought, deep and hard...If someone told me I could save the life of my daughter with this kidney...Heart...Whatever...And don't ask questions where it came from, where would my morals lie? Would I close my eyes and take it knowing that if I do my child will live, or do I stick to my morals and say no, and hope that they find a donor before she dies. Would I sell my soul to save my child? Would I be able to look in the mirror if I did? Would I be able to look into HER eyes knowing what I did? My morals stood, I would pray, and wait, and love her, but there was a part of me, I wish I could say a small part of me but it wasn't, there was a part of me that thought hey, this is my kid I would to anything!!! We as parents WOULD do almost anything for our children, but our job is not just to keep them safe, it's to raise them to know right from wrong. To know that killing someone else to benefit you or your loved ones is never okay. I should never watch those things when I'm tired let me tell you! I hope never to have to face any decision like that.
Now let me ask you....What would YOU do? A strangers life for your child's? Be honest, there will be no "tsk, tsk" from me. So what WOULD you do?


Today we didn't do a whole heck of a lot. A friend of mine had her car rear ended last night, and it's barely drivable. So today was spent helping her take her dogs to the vet, which took some time, then going to lunch then picking up the accident report. I started this morning with my upstairs neighbor coming down with her son and Princess and Little Man had a LOT of fun playing! We moms sat with coffee, both with no energy so to speak, and watched our kids exhaust themselves with very little effort on our part. Now don't get me wrong, I am a very interactive mom, but there are times it's nice to sit with friends and watch the kids go crazy knowing that you don't have to do much. We all need days like that! When we got home from helping our friend with the car, we went grocery shopping (just a little shopping as roomie did a major one last week) then I came home and cooked dinner. Easy dinner to cook, roast pork steamed rice and broccoli. I felt a little guilty doing no cleaning today so I organized the kitchen as I cooked. Then when everything was cooking and there was not much else I could do, I went outside and trimmed some weeds out of my Azaleas and cleaned up the yard a bit. I love my upstairs neighbor but she never puts any toys outside away. I felt like we were starting to look like the white trash house in the neighborhood with everything out front lol! I then threw a ball so Princess could hit it with her plastic bat, and let me tell you that kid has some good aim, I may be looking at a soft ball gal in the future! We then went inside to eat, and after dinner we took a walk through the neighborhood. It looks beautiful, everything is in bloom, Princess was having fun, and we talked to neighbors. When we came home, Princess watched the end of Scooby Doo and then we read a book, I'm pretty sure she is already asleep! All in all a good day, not that exciting, but a good day! Oh and then after that, mom called me tonight, she thanked me for my letter and I thanked her for hers. We both felt much relieved to talk, and she told me that she doesn't have many people that set her straight so as much as its hard for her to hear some truths she appreciated it when I did set her straight. We both decided to learn to talk to each other better, and said we loved each other. A VERY good day! I'm more than content tonight, I'm happy and fulfilled, this is what life is about, the days where not much happens, and I cherish them!
Below are some pics from today, I hope you enjoy them!



Best friends, Princess and Little Man!



neighbors yard, I think it looks wonderful. 



My azaleas 



Hoss out in the yard, the most layed back cat you will ever meet 



Blowing dandelions on our walk, she wished that Roomie had come with us, she is so sweet! 


Finally I'm getting around to doing this. Things as you all know have been a bit hectic around here, but since there was some interest in weekly hair tips, today is the start of it. Today we're going to talk about summer hair care.

A few facts you should know:

Your hair actually does grow faster in the summer. It's not the heat that does it, it's the longer daylight hours. We are living things, and as with all living things, we respond to light. So if you think your hair grows faster certain times of the year, it does! Summer is also the time for some major sun damage, even if you don't have color or perm in your hair. It's important to take care of you hair or by the end of the summer you're going to resemble a brillo pad! Another fact, many people go tanning, and because the exposure you get in their is a filtered one, you tend to not burn like you would in the sun. But did you know that the UVB rays that are in all tanning beds are actually the ones that cause damage in the hair? So if you tan in tanning beds, COVER YOUR HAIR!! When at the beach or even just out on a sunny day, you should use products that have sunscreen in them. They not only protect your scalp, but they protect your hair. There are tons of them out in the stores, and your local hair salons should have them too. Always use a leave-in conditioner on your hair in the summer too, it's just that more added protection for it. If you swim in chlorine, always always use a shampoo for swimmers. The chlorine in pools is actually more damaging than some color services for you hair. The same goes for salt water, as salt water can cause dryness and fading. Bring a leave in conditioner with you to the beach. Preferably one with sunscreen in it, and spray it on your hair periodically to keep your hair looking its best all summer long.
Many people say well that's all well and good, but I don't have the time/money/patience to do all that. Look at it this way. If you buy good lingerie, or even delicate clothing, you wash it by hand and use detergent specifically for those clothes. You wax your car so the finish always looks good and doesn't get dull from the elements. You protect your skin with creams to keep the wrinkles away. Why would you NOT take care of your hair? It's exposed more to the elements and heat drying than either your fine washables or your skin. Treat it well and it will treat you well too!!!
Hope that was helpful, next week we will discuss salon color vs at home color and how to best do both. Have a great weekend!


On the same day that I sat down and wrote my mother a letter of apology, not for my words but for the dis-respect I showed her and how I said them, she wrote me a letter too. I would like to share that letter with all of you. The only thing I changed in it was Princesses real name.

Dear Nina,
I felt so bad when you left on Monday...that I had been the cause of your anger and bitterness. I can't undo it, or change what was said, but I must let you know how guilty I feel.
Both Dad and I agree on what a fine job you're doing raising Princess. When ever we're at your house we can see that you're devoting your life to her security and welfare. She shows this in her loving ways towards people! And we love her more each time we see her.
The two of us (Princess and mom) had such a nice morning Monday.... just watching the boats, picking flowers, and visiting friends. I treasure these times.
That I have many flaws in my character, I'm well aware of. I have tried through the years to erase the, but they won't go. So the best I can do is recognize them and cope with them. As I get older, this gets more difficult.
If I have hurt you at any time or anyway, I'm truly sorry. You and I have very different natures, and it's hard for us to understand each other at times. The difference in our ages is also a factor.
But we share a bond of my love and caring for you all these years. I hope for all our sakes, especially Princesses, that this bond holds, for Dad and I need you both in our lives.

Love, Mom

In my whole life, there have been only two times that mom has been this honest with me, this is one of them. The other was also in a letter, and I have saved it, as I will this one. It's funny how different mom and I are and yet the same, our letters were so similar in content. Each of us offered the other an olive branch, and each of us put Princess first in our concerns. I'm not saying that everything is fixed, but this is a start, and we can both build on this. Perhaps in mom's later years and in my middle years we will come to a better understanding and acceptance of each other, and when we build this time, it will be solid. I hope so. I love my mom, and my dad, and I want Princess to have great memories of them. For now it is enough and I am content.


Things have gotten way too serious around here, so I decided to lighten things up. I've never posted some of the search strings that were referred to my blog, they gave me a chuckle so here they are!

pee pants she
Not lately, but thanks for the concern! By the way, this is not a sex site.

"I am adopted" blog
Why yes I am hee!

Nina
I am so popular you can now search for me by first name, kind of like Madonna only not as rich or thin!

Crazy single
No need to explain that one.

What single women give up by marrying divorced man with child
Huh??? I can't even begin to make sense of that one LOL!

So there you have it folks, a few ways that you too can find me, but please, if you're into the pee thing, go away eww!!!!
Have a good night folks :-)




It was somewhat cathartic to wrote down all that happened this past weekend, and I'm feeling a bit better now, thankyou all for being my sounding board. At some point I still have to talk to my mother to see what we can salvage and go on. But not now, things are still too close to the surface. However, I did promise pictures of my mothers garden, and here they are. I think she loves those plants more than anything else. The garden is not what it used to be though, it's getting hard for her to tend it, but she still tries. Pardon me if I think she tries harder with them than she ever did with us. Enjoy the pics, they are the best of the weekend, and can still make me smile.




Princess on the ferry over to grammys and grampys



Raking with grammy! 



Princess with her special rake 



Tulips up close, love the color 



How glorious! 



One of her bushes waiting to bloom 


I've discovered through the years that life never plays itself out as you would wish it to. Things you wish would happen don't, and things you wish would not happen do. You go along thinking that you have come to terms with the demons of the past only to find out that they were still within you all along, waiting for the right moment to rear their ugly heads. This was my weekend.
We went to Long Island to visit my parents for Mothers Day. Princess was excited to see her grammy and grampy. My mother has a lot of issues, and through the years they have made life difficult for each of us her children. My brothers deal with it by staying away and only making visits when they have to. I try to still be in her life, and love her, and support her. The closer you get to my mother the more she pushes you away either with anger or tears. My mother is angry all the time. Usually it's a slow simmer below the surface and sometimes it erupts like a volcano. Other times it comes out cold and icy, and that is the worst of all. The fruits of her anger are bitterness and sadness, both of her own making. Life has not been unkind to her, but she sees only the blows of life, not the caresses.
This does not make it easy to try with her, but I still do. This weekend she was in a slow simmer JUST below the surface, you could see it wanting to come out and erupt. She has been this way for a long time, since my dad was sick and she has had to care for him more than she has through the years. Being a nurturer and a carer does not come naturally to my mother and she resents it being thrust on her. Not that caring for my father is a picnic, he's forgetful so you have to tell him things over and over. He is belligerent at times, which makes it hard to make him see reason. I know many people who have to care for their partners and many of them become resentful....But then they let it go and remember why they loved them. This never happens with my mother. She holds onto the resentment, embracing it like a lover. She revels in it, because she can then play the victim. And she lets it burn those around her who love her.
I helped my dad get a camera this weekend, I found the simplest digital camera I could find so he would understand it, and I kept it reasonable in cost. We talked about buying it for a while before we did so. After we bought it, it was then that my mother decided to let me know that they truly couldn't afford something like that, when it wasn't necessary. I asked her why she didn't tell me before we went, she said she didn't want to start a fight. I think the reason is because after the fact she could again be the long suffering martyr. Look what he did to me again she can say. They both are getting too old to take care of the house as it needs, so my brother comes down to help. He told her he would be down in two weeks to help with shutters and shingles on the roof because he didn't want either of them on the roof. I told her I agreed with him, and was glad she wouldn't be up there. Her anger boiled out. She didn't hear my concern, she heard me telling her she was too old to do anything. She flung words at me meant to hurt, and they did. I had no business being concerned, if she wanted to climb the roof and fall off and break her neck, she could and it wasn't my business. Not my business I asked, when I love you and you're my mother? That's right, none of my business she replied just stay out of it.
I broke.
I broke.
I couldn't hold back the resentment I had inside me.
It's been coming for a long time. I keep it inside, where it can't hurt anyone but me. I keep the smile on my face, because Princess loves her grammy.
The words spewed out of my mouth and I couldn't stop it. A part of me stood aside in awe, here I am accusing my mother of using words to hurt, and I am doing it to her. All the hurt of growing up with a mother I was afraid of, not because she would strike me with her fist, but because she would pummel me with emotions and words if I dared to have a thought she did not control. All the frustration of being the one who is there, so therefore I am the one she hurts constantly. My brothers get glancing blows because they are not there, even when they are physically. How dare you tell me when I was trying to have a baby when I was married and having trouble that it was perhaps a good thing that I didn't as children just grow up and disappoint you. This to her daughter. How dare you tell me when Uncle was not on speaking terms with his daughter that it was a shame as that was his only grandchild he had, and when I pointed out that his son had children who loved him so that was not his only grandchild, that it wasn't the same because he was adopted. This to her adopted daughter. How dare you try to play emotional games with me over Easter because you couldn't deal with your mentally ill son so you wanted me to step in and be the bad guy. How dare you take a child and tell her that the bullying she got on the playground was somehow her fault because people just don't do those things to others without a reason. HOW DARE YOU PUSH ME AWAY WHEN ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED WAS TO LOVE YOU AND BE LOVED IN RETURN.
I broke.
I don't know if I can pick up the pieces and have a relationship with her again. The wounds are wide open and raw again, and the salves I try to put on them of indifference don't work anymore. Only time will tell. I know one thing, I will try, because Princess loves her, and I love Princess. And because Princess saved me from becoming as angry and bitter as she is, and I owe it to Princess.
She said so you blame me for how your life turned out? I told her no, that I take full responsibility for my life, all the failures and the triumphs. I asked her if she has ever taken responsibility for hers.
I still don't have an answer to that, and probably never will.


For those who wanted to see my mothers garden, I have pictures, and when I can, I will post them. But take a good look at my mothers other garden, she grew that too.


I think I got rid of the virus. At least most of it, there is still remnants of it around that I'll have to get one of my geek friends over to take care of eventually. I couldn't delete the program, but I destroyed its root and took out the administrators of it, so basically its a program with no direction and no prompts. I feel like the virus slayer, only I didn't exactly slay is as take it apart. I learned A LOT about computers and viruses this week let me tell you!
Not much has happened here lately, just a few things of note. Princess will NOT be going to kindergarten in the fall. I went and registered her, and they have to do a test which helps them place her or tell them if she is ready to start kindergarten yet. The early childhood development person (ecdp from now on because that is way too much to type over and over again) took me aside to talk to me off the record because she really couldn't say these things as a school official. Turns out my daughter is smart, really smart, what she lacks is fine motor skills to actually write or draw the work she'll be asked to do. In short she has the mental capacity of someone much older and the musculature of a 4 year old. The ecdp thinks that this will frustrate her, being asked to always re write her work even though she knows it but just can't write it well. The ecdp thinks that it would make her less confidant and make her hate learning in general. However, because she's smart, I have to get her into a more challenging pre school program, and the ecdp gave me a list of places she thought would be good for Princess and focus in on the things she needs help with. Sounds simple right? Wrong! Turns out that trying to get her into any of these programs in May for September puts her on a waiting list only. There is one pre school in particular that I am truly impressed with and I am on that waiting list. If she doesn't get in though, my daycare ( an excellent program!) did tell me that they could put Princess in their kindergarten and somewhat customize the work for what she needs to develop. So either way, she'll be doing something new this fall and won't get bored. It was somewhat a relief to have someone tell me these things about my daughter because truthfully I didn't want to send her at 4, but I couldn't truly put my finger on why other than my heart didn't want to let go. When the ecdp told me this about Princess based on her test, it was like a light bulb going off in my head and I said to myself "yes EXACTLY!" It was what I had been feeling without knowing quite why. So there will be a new venture come fall, and I'll be right beside Princess helping her all the way!
My upstairs neighbor is fighting some demons of her own right now. Her husband is coming to terms with things from his past (which is the reason he drinks) and has been going to therapy for it. Right now is a dark time for him and for her though. For the first time my neighbor is forced to fight for something she wants, and it isn't easy for her. She has had the tendency to take to easy way out in the past. But she has a marriage she cares about, a husband she loves, and a son who needs her, and she can't take the easy way out and keep all that. I can give her advice and be a listener, but that's all I can do, she needs to sort this out herself. Otherwise if her marriage works or fails, she won't have learned a thing. She needs to be able to hold her head high and know that she did her best through it all. It's tough for some people to grow up, but she's trying!
This weekend I'm going to Long Island to visit my parents for mothers day. I'll be cooking dinner on Sunday for my mom. Princess is so happy to be going to see her grammy and grampy!
To all those people who's blogs I read, I will be back to normal come Monday, so I can catch up on all of your lives! To those who still came here even though my blog was pretty much non existent this past week, I thankyou! And I promise to actually start the weekly hair care post next week too.
Have a Happy Mothers Day everyone, even you fathers!


No I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, I've been combatting a computer virus, I scanned, found it, tried to delete it through Norton anti virus, couldn't do that, found the route program in explore, tried to delete it that way, it's still there, because access to the program was denied. Anyone out there have an idea how to get rid of it??? Please???

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1. Name: Crazy Single Mom
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5. year old little girl.



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